There’s a say, if there’s a will, there’s a way. I used to believe that. I used to wake up everyday and live on that understanding, especially if its regards on taking chances and having the slight opportunity to nurture the buds of happiness in my life.
These latter words of mine represent the fractions of my heart, cracked helplessly but have yet to fall to the ground. I am not surprised though, we both have well acknowledged this. But we have agreed to let time decide for it. Its not that he don’t care, I know he does only to stumbled himself into this clutter mess. I am in a mess of mind myself. Nonetheless, I refused to let paranoia take control of me; I was almost lost to them yesterday. Thanks for several people who were wise enough to slap me hard on my face with their words of reality. I owe you guys.
Why is it so hard for me this time to let the thoughts in my head to just flow away straight onto this white virtual paper? A certified psychologist once told me to learn to let things out, if I find it hard to do it verbally, write it down on a letter or on a note. At least I am not keeping all the thoughts to myself and driving myself and the people around me nuts. Well, it’s not as easy as it looks like.
Things haven’t been so good the past two days, forgive me for my harshness the other day. I failed to curb my emotions from running wild, in result of that, foolish questions and expressions came out utterly from me. Things wouldn’t turn out that way if between both are able to handle this issue more sensibly. I should have known this will happen one day, yet still we were too happy to admit it neither do I want to live in denial. We were way passed that. We both have our own stand and belief and nor toleration can be an answer to this caught up in the middle issue.
Having to be realy loved and the opportunity to love and care the person back in return is such a wonderful feeling for me. Despite all the shit that we went through and all the demoralizing pressures from the outsiders, I somehow have faith in the tenderness of your caring love. Let me secretly be on my own, for I have a quest of understanding and accepting the very concern of yours which is to always consider that love and religion is two different things.
Taking chances has always play a part in each one's life. it's undeniable. what's life without risk, right?
ReplyDeletei'm not so sure about the confusion you're facing now...matter of the heart..very subtle subject yet so sensitive and so dense. one tiny crack can lead to bigger ones. the problem is, has your wound from the previous 'cause' healed? or is it still cracking? i'll take it it's the latter..?
who is it is actually in the mess? him, or 'him'? or is it you? what is the mess about? is it him? 'him'? i'd put my bet it's your heart which is messy with your previous 'him's etches and carves cluttered together with some pieces of your current him. is he blooming to seal off those cracks of yours? or is 'he' stopping you from the inside, negating him to outshine 'him' in a place where your love is crying out desperately?
mending a cracked heart is nasty, but thinking your heart is mending is even nastier. nothing can be put into words describing the excruciating sensation.
apart from that, i do think 'he' is still waiting for your heart to fall, although it's the smallest piece. probably the broken piece is still falling and he is still waiting to catch it. who knows..maybe you can still feel his warm fingers stroking across your face like he used to. that's gonna make you even messier from the inside..
i hope you can get over this mess and cry out freedom from the invisible arms that's been cuddling you so you can make a clearer decision and better judgement.
the heart can never be one with the mind. whoever came out with them being one is purely jacked up shit.
so..peace out, no war~
haha
who are u..pls reveal urself
ReplyDeletenist, hsss..hsss... i'm your faaaaather.. hsss...hsss...
ReplyDeletebodola..
ReplyDeletehaha deep juga anda ya.
ReplyDeletedeep telebih kot
ReplyDelete